{"id":8404,"date":"2017-08-21T07:10:55","date_gmt":"2017-08-21T11:10:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/?p=8404"},"modified":"2017-08-21T07:10:55","modified_gmt":"2017-08-21T11:10:55","slug":"certain-of-victory-candidates-move-to-takoma-park","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/?p=8404","title":{"rendered":"Certain of Victory, Candidates Move to Takoma Park"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Adam Pagnucco.<\/em><\/p>\n

Real estate agents in Takoma Park report that home values in the City have doubled in the last month as local candidates swarm in to buy houses.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve never seen anything like it,\u201d said local realtor Walt Simonson.\u00a0 \u201cThey say they want to win their next election and they\u2019re beating out all other bids!\u201d<\/p>\n

The candidate frenzy is driven by a surge of media coverage about Takoma Park\u2019s dominance of the County Council.\u00a0 City residents occupy three of the four at-large seats.\u00a0 Also, Congressman Jamie Raskin, Comptroller Peter Franchot and DNC Chairman Tom Perez live in Takoma Park.\u00a0 As a result, a home in the City is seen by many as locking down a victory for elected office.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I can just get that house on Poplar Avenue, I know I\u2019m gonna win,\u201d said County Council candidate Evan Glass, who was relocating from Silver Spring.\u00a0 When shown data illustrating that the city\u2019s dominance of the council was temporary<\/a>, Glass didn\u2019t believe it.\u00a0 \u201cFake news!\u00a0 I believe in winning.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Some incumbents who represent districts in other parts of the county are renting second homes in Takoma Park just to increase their chances of reelection.\u00a0 Your author witnessed District 17 Delegate Kumar Barve, who is facing a challenger, signing a lease for a Maple Avenue apartment.\u00a0 On being asked what he was doing, Barve replied to your author, \u201cNone of your business!\u201d<\/p>\n

Political observers believe that Takoma Park residents will win ten council seats in the upcoming election.\u00a0 That\u2019s noteworthy since there are only nine council offices at present.\u00a0 \u201cWe are installing a tenth council position reserved for Takoma Park.\u00a0 It will have veto power over the other council seats,\u201d said Seth Grimes, a former City Council Member running for County Council.\u00a0 \u201cIn the unlikely event you elect non-City residents to the other seats, it won\u2019t matter.\u00a0 But good luck anyway!\u201d<\/p>\n

Takoma Park\u2019s dominance of local government is manifest in the regular shipments of gold bullion it receives, all stamped with the Montgomery County Government seal.\u00a0 When your author noticed a new shipment being unloaded into the city\u2019s treasury vault, Mayor Kate Stewart said, \u201cYou\u2019re not supposed to see that.\u201d\u00a0 Workers proceeded to drape tarps over the bullion as it was hauled in.<\/p>\n

The City is greatly aided in its mission to control world politics by its Takoma Park Political Domination School, established in 1890.\u00a0 Enrollment in the school is mandatory for all residents.\u00a0 Students are taught the fine arts of door-knocking, money-raising (except from developers), campaign rhetoric and opposition to conservatives.\u00a0 Many residents enroll their children in the school shortly after birth.\u00a0 \u201cWe start them young,\u201d said employee Flo Steinberg, who works in the school\u2019s Political Daycare Center.\u00a0 Two-year-old Marcy was seen receiving language training from Steinberg.\u00a0 \u201cLiberal,\u201d said Steinberg.\u00a0 \u201cLib-wuhl,\u201d replied Marcy.\u00a0 \u201cNo, no. \u00a0Lib.\u00a0 Err.\u00a0 Al.\u201d\u00a0 The school\u2019s success is proven by U.S. Census Bureau data indicating that 82% of Takoma Park\u2019s residents are current, former or future elected officials.\u00a0 The other 18% are recent arrivals.<\/p>\n

Xerxes Z-1, commandant of Galactic Fleet 26 from Planet X, agreed that the City dominated Earth politics.\u00a0 \u201cWhen we came to this planet, we did not go to the White House.\u00a0 We are not interested in discount golf club memberships, financial transactions with Russian oligarchs or Cheetos.\u00a0 We asked to be taken to your leaders and of course that meant coming to Takoma Park.\u201d\u00a0 The alien commander spoke from the grounds of the Takoma Park Political Domination School, where he had enrolled immediately upon reaching Earth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Adam Pagnucco. Real estate agents in Takoma Park report that home values in the City have doubled in the last month as local candidates swarm in to buy houses.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve never seen anything like it,\u201d said local realtor Walt Simonson.\u00a0 \u201cThey say they want to win their next election and they\u2019re beating out all … Continue reading Certain of Victory, Candidates Move to Takoma Park<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[151,126],"tags":[1545,1537],"class_list":["post-8404","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-adam-pagnucco","category-takoma-park","tag-adam-pagnucco","tag-takoma-park"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4mKJE-2by","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8404","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8404"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8405,"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8404\/revisions\/8405"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theseventhstate.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}